Category Archives: Best advice from dads

Side Effects

by Greg Hague

Life lessons from Chubby (my dad) and other smart folks I’ve met on the road.


side effects

Continued from yesterday’s story, The Cruelty in Passion:

“Greg,” Chubby said, “even with talent, hard work, passion, and some luck . . . you still might hate where you end up.”

“Why?” I asked with a puzzled look.

“You don’t see the side effects.” Chubby replied.  “It’s like eating fudge every day for a year. You know you’ll gain weight.  But you may not think about the other side effects, like the cost of buying bigger clothes, the heart attack risk, the tooth decay, and the strain on your knees.” 

Dad had a good point. Think in advance –

each plus and minus with all that I do.

Chubby continued,

“Greg, if your dream is to become a schoolteacher, that’s fine, but make sure you consider that you might not make big money doing it. 

Or, if your heart is set on becoming a commercial airline pilot, consider that it may not allow much time with your family.”

That last example really hit home. I absolutely loved to fly.  I was pretty darn good at it, and was fortunate enough to obtain my pilot’s license at 16. And, while a career in the air had seemed exciting and tempting to me, there were side effects I hadn’t considered that didn’t appeal.

The lesson I learned from Chubby that day?

Side effects . . . think pluses and minuses all the way through.

plus_minus



The Cruelty in Passion

by Greg Hague

Life lessons from Chubby (my dad) and other smart folks I’ve met on the road.


shooting hoops

My hands were blistered and bleeding, my back screamed in pain. I was utterly exhausted, but it was OK . . . until Chubby dumped on my dream.

“But Dad,” I pleaded. “I can do it. I will make the team. I’ll shine on the court. No one will work harder than me.”

“Greg,” Chubby said. “I’ve watched you jump, dribble and shoot. Yes, you’re busting your butt. But you don’t have what it takes.

Face it now. Face it later. But face it, you will.”

I lied in bed crying that night. It was unfair. How did he know? I would prove Dad was wrong.

And I did. I made the high school basketball team.

But I hated that season. It was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life.

The coach never put me in a game we hadn’t already won, and then only right at the end. Every practice. Every game. I watched kids who worked less play better than me.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t dribble, move, or shoot like them. It was my first real dose of “hard work alone isn’t enough.”

I remember talking with Dad after the season. He explained,

“Greg, people often let passion lead to a life of frustration. It’s demoralizing to strive for what you can’t have. Smart people assess their abilities up front. They ‘go for it’ where the going looks good.”

With four boys, this is a hard story to write. As a Dad, I want to encourage my kids to “go for your dreams, whatever they are.”

In my heart I want to tell them that nothing is out of their reach. Unfortunately, that’s simply not true. It’s not real.

So what do I say?

Identify your talents – your greatest gifts; mentally, physically, artistically and emotionally. Then, “go for it there.” If you love basketball, strive to own the team if you can’t be a star on the court.

BUT CHUBBY HELD BACK THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE!

“Greg,” he said, “you can have natural talent, work extremely hard, possess intense passion, and even with a little bit of luck, it’s still not enough.  There is a secret ingredient that many overlook…”

Natural Talent + Hard Work + Intense Passion + Luck + ???

Tomorrow, the secret ingredient to finding life’s path.

Can you guess?

Secret ingredient



Over Changed

Story contributed by Bruce Helmer.


cashier

“Excuse me, ma’am, but I think you over-changed me,” I confessed, placing four dollars back on the counter.

My two kids looked at me like I was crazy.  The lady at the counter did too.

I’d just bought four corn dogs at four bucks apiece.  Change from a $20 should be four dollars; she gave me back eight.

“Oh, thank you sir!  Sorry about that,” she replied.

On the way back to our seats, my kids asked why I gave back the “free money.”

“After the game tonight,” I said, “the cashier will total her drawer. If it doesn’t match sales, it might be deducted from her paycheck. Also, it’s stealing.”

My kids were 10 and 13 at the time, but they got the message.

Recently, my daughter (now grown) was over-changed at a convenience store on her way to work. She was in a hurry, it wasn’t much money, and the line of customers was long.

Still, she got back in line to give back the extra change.

Later she proudly called me to relay what happened. She recalled that corn dog “concession lesson” at that Twins’ game years before.

Our team didn’t win that night, but it was certainly a victory for me as a dad.

The “concession lesson” for today?

Our kids become a reflection of all that we do.

Our actions – good and bad – are like ripples in their pond.

multiple ripples


 

In addition to being a very savvy dad to his two kids, BrBruceHelmeruce Helmer has been in the financial services industry since 1983 and co-founded the financial advisory firm Wealth Enhancement Group in 1997. His new book, Real Wealth, is receiving great reviews.  You can check it out here:

http://www.amazon.com/Real-Wealth-Smart-Choices-matters/dp/1592985696

 

 



Nice Guys Never Finish

“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.”

—Samuel Johnson


Today’s story is contributed by Bill Bayles.

This is our nicest story. Why?
It’s about one simple thing — a really nice dad.

Nice Guys Never Finish, They Keep Giving

Bill’s graduation with Mom and Dad, 1984

He was born on Christmas day, perhaps a clue.

People always tell me, “Bill, your dad is the nicest guy in the world!” They’re right. He is.

But Dad had it rough growing up. It was not the “happy home” you might assume. My dad had no dad. His mom disapproved of the drinking and other bad habits. She did her best to keep them apart.

Academically? Last in grades, first in love. My dad finished at the bottom of his high school class, but was one of the most popular kids in school.

His first job? A gravedigger. Yep, that’s right. He dug six-foot holes for those on their final passage. Most would cringe, but Dad did it with a whistle and pep in his step. He was cheerful and nice, a ray of light in an often-sad place.

One day, sensing that his life needed new direction, he quit his gravedigging job. That same week, a friend suggested he should attend college. After my dad explained his less than exemplary high school performance, this friend called his friend, who happened to work at the local college. My dad started classes the very next day!

People have always looked for ways to help my dad. They see into his heart, they know he cares.

Dad graduated and became a preacher, then a teacher.

While having lunch one day at his favorite diner, he sensed distress in the man sitting next to him. He offered his ear. It was a divorce. They spoke for two hours. The man asked if my father wanted to start a commercial cleaning business. Dad’s next chapter had just opened . . . He knew nothing about that business, but he knew everything about people. It was a resounding success.

With my father, it’s never been about “networking.” It’s natural. It’s organic. It’s “friendworking.” He simply wants to help you, to be your friend.

As a teenager, I saw this expecting nothing back, always-nice mentality as a weakness. There was no underlying “what’s in it for me” motive. I felt like he wasn’t mentally tough like many of my friend’s dads.

In time, I came to realize that I was both right and wrong. I was right — Dad had no hidden agenda. He didn’t care about being tough. But I was dead wrong — that is precisely what made Dad the strongest man I have ever known.

At 79, my dad now counsels others emotionally in need. Many of his patients are at the local prison.

They say that nice guys finish last.

In the case of my father, nice guys never finish . . . they just keep giving until their time is up.

nice guys

Grandpa, Bob, and Grandma, Shelly Bayles, with their grandchildren


A rare person in this world, and a blessing to all. Love you dad.


Bill and his wife, Karen, have three children, Maria, Chelsea and Sebastian. Together, they have founded three successful firms, all related to benefiting not-for-profit and healthcare firms. Bill has served on a number of nonprofit boards, including college foundations and mission-based organizations like Youth for Christ. He enjoys having the opportunity to work and grow closer with his wife and business partner, Karen, and spending time with their three children — swimming, boating, and fishing together.


The Green Run

“Fortune favors the brave.”

—Terence, Phormio 161 B.C.


The following story was contributed by Kelly Simmons.

go for it

Kelly and her dad

I was six years old.

I stood atop the mountain, looking down at the treacherous descent that lay before me. I wasn’t ready for this. Why had I agreed to such a perilous fate?

It was Dad’s fault. He was to blame! I was perfectly content inching my way down the bunny hill at snail speed.

But now, I stared down the barrel of a green run. Terror took hold as I watched my older sister, Kristen, zip down the slope.

“C’mon Kelly,” Dad urged, coaxing me out of my momentary paralysis.
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It “Runs” in the Family

“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”

—Oprah Winfrey


Today’s story is contributed by Sarah Mitchell.

One of the greatest lessons Dad ever taught me — it’s never too late to pursue a new passion.

never too old

Sarah, the youngest, sitting right in front of her dad.

He was 40 years old. Out of shape. He started running, a little bit each day. Every day, he ran a little farther. Eventually, it became a six-mile a day habit, and something that gave new passion to his life.

And it “runs” in the family, literally — Dad took my sister and me with him to his weekend races, where he almost always picked up a trophy for being the fastest in his age bracket. My sister and I caught the bug and have been ritual runners ever since. As I move into my own fourth decade, I find myself pursuing new passions very naturally, like surfing and aerial arts (think trapeze).
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The Dog Biscuit

“Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.”

—Mark Twain


Today’s story is contributed by Larry Winget.

your word

Larry, Tyler & Patrick, quite a few years after woofing the dog biscuit

I was walking the dogs, and my kids. Tyler was ten, Patrick was six. We played our traditional game, “How much?” That is, how much money would it take for one of us to eat a worm, or jump into a pool of manure, or lick a dead rat. Grossed out? Of course, so were we. That was the point…and we loved it.

“How much to eat a dog biscuit?” I proposed, pulling a dog treat from my pocket. Tyler’s reply was immediate, “I will if you will, Dad!”

I popped that dog biscuit into my mouth without hesitation! The boys were shocked; the dogs stared in wonder as I chewed up their bacon liver treat.
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